Happy Birthday, Bruce
by Klyntaliah
Summary: The Avengers try to throw Bruce a surprise birthday party. Contains Pepperony and some Clintasha. "Everyone has to act like we don't know it's Bruce's birthday, because that will make the surprise even bigger."
1. Chapter 1: Plans

**Thanks to those of you who read _A'Camping We Will Go!_ Hope you enjoy this fic, too. :)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.**

* * *

One morning, as Tony Stark left his room to get some breakfast, he heard a strange noise coming from the kitchen. It sounded like people speaking in low voices, and then giving way to shushes and commands to be quiet. Confused, Tony entered the kitchen.

Steve, Clint, and Natasha looked up guiltily from where they sat close to one another at the table. Their faced relaxed into expressions of relief when they saw Tony.

"Oh, good, it's just you," Clint said in relief.

"Just me?" Tony said, offended. "You do realize this is Iron Man you're talking to, right?"

"Relax, we thought you were Bruce," Steve explained.

"Clint tell us it's Bruce's birthday today," Natasha added. "We're planning a surprise party for him."

Tony pretended to pout. "Why didn't I get a surprise party?"

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Please. It kind of ruins the 'surprise' part when the guest of honor arranges the party for himself."

"Fair point," said Tony, sitting down next to her. "So what do we have planned?"

"A surprise after-dinner party; decorations in the main room, cake, ice cream, presents," Clint said.

"Do we have presents for him?" Tony asked.

"We're picking some up today since Birdbrain here forgot to tell us earlier," Natasha said, elbowing Clint in the ribs.

"Sorry, I thought his birthday wasn't till Friday!" Clint defended himself. "I just remembered this morning that it's today."

"Anyway, about the decorations. I think I can do that part," Steve spoke up.

"Well, if you're decorating the main room, we have to figure out a way to keep Bruce out of the house," Clint pointed out.

"Leave that to me," Tony volunteered. "I've got a few tricks up my sleeve in the Distraction Department."

"Great, now we also need someone to go shopping and pick up gifts for Bruce, plus ice cream and cake," Clint went on.

Natasha said, "What! No, we are not buying him a cake! We are going to make him one. He probably hasn't had one homemade in years!"

"And who's going to make the cake? You?" Steve asked.

"Of course. Do you doubt my cake-baking abilities?"

"Hold up," said Tony. "If I'm babysitting the big guy, Steve's decorating, and Natasha's baking a cake, that leaves Clint to go shopping. And you all know what happened the last time we let Clint go shopping alone."

"That was not my fault," Clint said heatedly. "The grocery list was confusing, so I just thought-"

"That if you bought one of everything in the store, you could be sure you had everything on the list, we know," Tony said. "Anyway, the point is, you can't go shopping. So! Natasha can't decorate because she has to drag a ladder around to reach the door frames. So, Clint decorates, Natasha shops, and Steve bakes the cake."

"What!"

"Relax, Steve, you'll be fine," said Clint. "I'll lend you 'Baking for Dummies.'"

"Sounds perfect, since I'll be baking for dummies," Steve retorted.

"Does Clint want to explain why he owns a book called 'Baking for Dummies?" Natasha said pointedly.

"If I remember right, you gave it to me when you were done with it," Clint teased.

"What kind of cake am I making?" Steve sounded resigned to his fate.

"Strawberry," Tony suggested. "I'll have Jarvis find a recipe."

"Yeah, do that, and I'll make my shopping list based on the ingredients," said Natasha. "So: ice cream, cake ingredients, presents. Anything else I'm getting?"

"Decorations," said Clint. "And wrapping paper."

"Don't be ridiculous, I have tons of those things," said Tony.

"Oh, that's right, I forgot. This is Mr. Life of the Party I'm talking to."

"Last thing: Everyone has to act like we don't know it's Bruce's birthday, because that will make the surprise even bigger. And remember not to talk about any of this around him. Especially you, Tony," said Natasha.

"What? Are you implying that I'm bad at keeping secrets?"

"Something along those lines." Natasha sounded pleased that he'd caught on so quickly.

"So, to sum up," said Steve. "After breakfast, Tony finds a recipe for strawberry cake and shows Natasha, who goes to pick up the ingredients. Then Tony shows Clint where the decorations are and Clint gets started on the decorating. Then Tony takes Bruce out somewhere to keep him out from underfoot. Sound good?"

"Sounds like a lot of work for me," Tony complained.

"Relax, Tony. I'll lend you "Multitasking for Dummies," Clint said.

"Shh, guys! Someone's coming!" Natasha hissed.

A minute later, Bruce walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, guys," he said, opening the fridge and pulling out a gallon of milk.

"Hey, Bruce," the others greeted him.

"I can't believe you haven't started eating yet," Bruce commented.

"Well, we've been… busy," Steve fumbled.

"Really? With what?" Bruce opened a cabinet and got out a glass.

"Stuff," Clint said lamely.

"Hey, by the way, happy—" Tony's words ended in a grunt of pain. The others didn't see what happened, but Natasha was sitting next to him, and based on the carefully arranged look of serenity on her face, it seemed likely that she had stomped on his foot under the table.

Bruce was looking from Natasha to Tony is bewilderment, and seemed about to ask a question, but at that moment, Tony's bodyguard, Happy Hogan, stuck his head into the room. "You called, boss?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah." Tony looked relieved. "I just wanted to ask you, um, is Pepper up yet?"

"Nope. But I'll tell you when she is."

"Okay, thanks," Tony said as Happy left the room. He cleared his throat. "So… what are your plans for the day, Bruce?"

"Well, I'm volunteering at that animal shelter down on 39th this month, so I thought I'd head down there after breakfast," Bruce said.

Clint looked genuinely sympathetic. "Wow, you have to work on—" he stopped suddenly, looking confused. The others glared at him.

"On what?" asked Bruce.

"On… a Wednesday," Clint finished slowly.

"Oh. Well, of course," said Bruce in confusion.

"What time are you done there, Bruce?" Tony asked to cover up Clint's mistake.

"Around one. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I was wondering if you would meet me downtown for lunch when you get off," Tony said.

Bruce looked surprised. "Sure thing," he replied. "Where were you thinking about going?"

"How about that new Chinese place on Main Street?" Tony suggested, thinking fast.

"I'll be there," said Bruce.

The others looked impressed. That was Bruce out of the way for another hour or so.

Just then, Pepper walked in. Ever perceptive, she quickly caught on to the strange mood in the room.

"Wow, guys, what's up?" she asked in concern.

"Up? What do you mean, up?" Tony asked, frantically trying to catch her eye and make a signal at her. Steve coughed loudly to get her attention.

Oblivious to their efforts, Pepper calmly poured herself a glass of milk. "I dunno, you all just seem so quiet. Secretive, almost. Is something the matter?"

Steve coughed again, louder.

Pepper patted him on the back. "You really should try Mucinex, Steve. That's what I use when my allergies get bad."

"What are you allergic to?" Steve asked, trying to change the subject.

"Strawberries," Pepper said brightly. She sat down next to Steve. "What's for breakfast?"

"Well, these guys have apparently been up to 'stuff' this morning, so nothing yet," Bruce told her with a smile.

"'Stuff?' What kind of 'stuff?'" Pepper asked curiously.

Tony cleared his throat. "Um, Pepper? I need to speak with you for a moment." He got up and headed out of the kitchen.

Pepper gave Steve a nervous smile. "Be right back." She rose to follow Tony from the room.

In the doorway, Tony bumped into Happy, who was just coming in.

"Oh, sorry, boss, just wanted to tell you something."

"What is it?" Tony asked impatiently.

"Well, I said I'd tell you if Pepper woke up. So, uh, she's awake now."

Tony glanced over his shoulder at Pepper, who looked back at him in amusement. "No kidding. Thanks, Happy."

"No problem," said Happy. He turned and headed out. "I'm off to Stark Industries. See you there, Pep!"

"'Bye," said Pepper.

"'Pep?' Her first name is Pepper," Tony called after him.

"Actually that's my middle name," Pepper corrected him. She pulled him out into the hallway. "What's wrong, Tony?" she asked more quietly.

"Wrong? Oh, nothing's wrong. It's just that, today is Bruce's birthday and we're trying to throw him a surprise party."

"Oh, that's what this is about," Pepper said, laughing in relief.

"That's right," said Tony. "And actually, I have a job for you, Honey." "Do you?" "Mhm. I need you to call Fury and Hill while you're at work today and invite them for, say, eight-thirty."

Pepper quirked an eyebrow at him. "Mr. Stark, are you asking me to do non-work-related business during working hours?" she asked, smiling.

"Is there a problem with that, Miss Potts?" he asked, putting a hand to her waist and drawing her closer.

"Well, I was under the impression that it was against regulations, sir," she replied, sliding her hands up his torso.

Tony chuckled and cradled her head in his other hand, tilting it upwards. "You're the CEO of Stark Industries, ma'am. That shouldn't be a problem," he said; and then he kissed her.

At that moment, Steve stuck his head out of the kitchen. "Tony?"

Quickly, Tony and Pepper stepped apart. Steve looked more embarrassed than either of them felt.

"Uh, it can wait," he stammered, but Pepper said quickly, "No, it's fine, Steve, I was just leaving."

"Aren't you going to get something to eat?" Tony asked her.

"I'll just grab something on the way," she said, starting towards the door. "'Bye, Tony. I think I can find the time to do what you asked."

"Okay, 'bye, Pep," Tony called after her. Then he turned to Steve. "What did you want to tell me?"

Steve toed the floor uncomfortably. "Um, I was just gonna say, since Pepper has an allergy to strawberries, we're gonna have to have a different kind of cake, like, um, chocolate?"

Tony sighed and took one last glance at Pepper's retreating form. "Chocolate is fine. Come on, let's go." He led the way back into the kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2: Preparations

Tony sat down in front of his laptop. "Jarvis, find a recipe for chocolate cake," he said.

"Right away, sir," Jarvis replied, and pretty soon, results began to appear on the screen.

Natasha walked into the room. "Cake recipe?" she asked.

"Yep," said Tony as he scrolled through the options. "'Chocolate cake from scratch'… how's that sound?"

Natasha grimaced. "If it were me, perfect. But since this is Steve's first cake, let's do one that uses a boxed mix."

"Good point," said Tony.

Jarvis said, "Sir, shall I narrow the search results as Miss Romanoff suggested?"

"Yeah, go ahead," said Tony.

Just then, Clint entered the room.

"Wow, didn't realize my office was in Grand Central Station," Tony said irritably.

"What's up?" asked Clint.

"Trying to find a Steve-proof cake recipe," Natasha told him.

"Sounds impossible. Why don't you make the cake and Steve goes shopping?" Clint suggested.

"Because I don't get recognized as much as he does," Natasha explained. "Steve tends to get held up by his adoring fans whenever he goes shopping."

"How's this look, Nat?" said Tony, pulling up a recipe.

Natasha leaned towards the screen and scanned the list of ingredients. "Eggs… oil… water… looks pretty straightforward," she said. "I think that's a go."

"Jarvis, can you print two copies of this?" Tony asked.

"Yes, sir. Have you replaced the ink in your MFC-J270W?"

"Uh, right." Tony scratched the back of his neck. "Haven't gotten around to that yet."

"Very well, sir. You will find the pages in your InkJet2000."

"Thanks, buddy," Tony said, getting up. He crossed the room to another printer on the opposite wall. Clint and Natasha followed.

"No chance you already have any of these ingredients, is there, Tony?" asked Natasha.

"I have water," Tony joked. "Nothing else, though. Call me weird but I don't cook very often. I do have a nice electric mixer that I never use."

"I'm gonna have to make two trips to the store," Natasha commented. "I'll have to pick up this stuff first and bring it back to Steve so he can get started on the cake. Because if I know him, it's going to take a while for him to get it right."

"Do what you gotta do," said Tony. He pulled the papers out of the printer and handed them to Natasha. "One is your grocery list, the other is to give to Steve on your way out. Better get moving."

"Will do, Tin Man," Natasha replied before leaving.

"You wanna show me where the decorations are now?" Clint asked Tony.

Tony frowned. "I'm not totally sure where they are," he said. "Probably in a closet somewhere. Let's go look.

Natasha walked slowly down the grocery store aisle, scanning the shelves for chocolate cake mix. She'd already looked through several aisles, but she was fairly sure that this was the right one.

Sure enough, she found the box a minute later. She picked it up and examined the front and back to be sure it was the right one. Satisfied, she started to leave the aisle, then stopped and went back.

 _On second thought, better go ahead and get two. There's no way he can get it right on the first try._

She picked up another box and hesitated.

 _On second second thought, maybe three would be better. There's no way he can get it right on the second try._

She grabbed a third box and headed out of the aisle.

 _What's next? Oh, right – eggs._ She turned her steps towards the dairy section.

A moment later, her text alert went off. Natasha pulled her phone out of her pocket and looked at it. "Hawk" was texting her:

found the decorations

She stared at the message for a moment. Something was up; he wouldn't text her just to tell her that. She responded:

And?

He texted back a moment later:

and you may want to get some new ones

She frowned.

Why?

A moment later his reply came in:

did you want an iron man theme party?

Natasha chuckled. It wasn't hard to imagine an entire room in Stark Tower that was full of Iron Man decorations. So… what would they need? She texted back to ask him.

nat: Balloons, streamers what else?

Hawk: paper plates n cups

Hawk: party hats

nat: How about not

Hawk: what! we've got to have good old fashioned party hats!

nat: The answer is a good old-fashioned no

Hawk: come on nat humor me :)

Natasha ignored him.

nat: Wrapping paper + gift bags?

Hawk: havent found it yet but based on the decorations id say get some

nat: Roger. That all?

Hawk: think so

nat: Be back in 1/2 hr

Hawk: 10/4

Hawk: party hats

nat: Black Widow out

"Here's all the loot," Natasha said, dumping the groceries on the kitchen table. Steve and Clint gathered around.

Steve picked up one of the boxes of cake mix. He stared at the picture of the beautifully frosted cake on the front of the box. "Wow, I'm supposed to make that?"

"You can do it, Steve, it's really not that hard," said Natasha. But she sounded a little nervous.

Clint sifted through the bag of decorations. "Balloons… plasticware… napkins… hang on, Natasha, where are my party hats?"

She pretended not to hear him.

"Hang on, is Thor coming tonight?" Steve asked suddenly.

Clint smacked his forehead. "I plain forgot! I'll tell Tony to invite him before he goes out to lunch with Bruce."

"How does he even contact him? Are there, like, cellphones in Asgard?" Steve asked in confusion.

Clint shrugged. "No idea, but he does it somehow."

"Where is Tony anyway?" Natasha asked.

"He's making a song playlist for tonight," Clint explained.

"Tony's making a playlist? Um, are you sure that's wise?" Natasha asked. She had visions of "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC playing on repeat all night long.

Clint shrugged again. "I don't know if it's wise, but he insisted."

"I can imagine," said Natasha. "Well, I'm off to the store again to get ice cream. Oh, and presents for Bruce. Wow, I have no idea what to get him.

"He might like party hats," Clint suggested craftily.

"Forget it, Barton."

"If he had some kind of stretch pants, they wouldn't rip if he transforms into the Hulk," Steve mused.

Natasha laughed. "Yeah, because me getting Bruce stretch pants wouldn't be creepy at all."

Steve flushed.

"Well, I guess I'll figure it out when I get there," Natasha said, heading for the door. "Catch up with you guys later. Good luck on the cake, Steve."

"Party hats!"

"Take a walk, Barton."


	3. Chapter 3: Cake Mistake

After Natasha had left and Clint had gone into the main room to start decorating, Steve got started on the cake. He read through the directions, preheated the oven, and went to work.

"First ingredient is cake mix," he said aloud. He opened one of the boxes of cake mix and poured it into a large bowl. Then, he opened another box of cake mix and poured it into the bowl. Then, he opened the third box of cake mix and poured it into the bowl.

"Wow, that's a lot of cake mix," Steve observed. "Eggs next."

Once all the ingredients were in, Steve found a wooden spoon and began to stir the mixture. To his consternation, he found that the batter was dry and stiff and wouldn't mix well. Even after he'd been trying for ten minutes, there was still some dry cake mix that hadn't been incorporated into the batter.

Steve considered calling Clint or Tony in to ask for help, but he doubted if they had any more experience with cooking than he did. In the end, he decided to ask Natasha, who was the expert. He found his cellphone, tried to remember how to text, decided against asking Tony for what would have been the fourteenth time that week, and dialed Natasha's number.

She answered after the first ring. "How's it coming, Steve?"

"It's hard to tell," Steve said, trying again to stir the batter. "I think something's wrong with the cake. It's really hard to stir."

"Hard to—" Natasha stopped. "Steve, you know Tony has an electric mixer, right?"

"Well, I know he has one but I don't know how to use it," Steve replied.

"Okay, so forget that. What do you think's wrong with the batter?"

"It's just really stiff. The cake mix won't stir in all the way."

"Well are you sure you got all the ingredient amounts right?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

"Well, why don't you tell me how much of everything you put in."

"Okay," said Steve. "Three packages of cake mix, two eggs, one—"

"Wait, wait, hold on," said Natasha. "How much cake mix did you say?"

"Three packages. That's how much you got, right?"

Steve heard a smack on Natasha's end of the line, presumably her hand colliding with her forehead. "Steve, you were only supposed to put one in!"

"Wait, what?"

"A single recipe requires only one box of cake mix," said Natasha.

"Why'd you get three, then?" Steve asked accusingly.

"Because I knew you would mess up the first one."

"Well, I wouldn't have messed up if you'd just gotten one," Steve pointed out.

"I know. I know." Natasha seemed to be thinking hard. "Wait, I think we can still salvage it. You tripled the amount of cake mix, right? So now all you have to do is triple all the other ingredients and make three cakes."

"Three! What are we going to do with the extra ones?"

"I don't know, we'll figure something out," Natasha said. "For now, just do that. Its quicker than me picking up another cake mix."

"Okay," Steve agreed.

"So tell me what you're gonna put in the batter," Natasha prompted.

"Um… four eggs…"

Clint walked into the kitchen, carrying an armful of streamers that he'd apparently damaged somehow.

"One cup of oil…"

Clint pitched the streamers into the kitchen trash. "Who's on the phone?"

"Natasha. Two tablespoons of water?"

"Sounds right," said Natasha.

"Tell her I said party hats," Clint said, grinning.

Steve frowned. "Nat, Clint says to tell you party hats?"

There was a pause on the line.

"Wow, I think I just heard you roll your eyes," Steve commented.

She chuckled. "Tell the two-year-old to grow up."

Steve moved his mouth away from the receiver. "Clint, Nat says to grow up."

"Tell her I said the party hat will give me at least six inches."

"He says the party hat will give him at least six inches."

"Tell him I meant to grow up mentally, which on second thought is probably not possible for him."

"She says you need to grow up mentally."

"Tell her the party hat will be on my head; therefore, it counts as growing up mentally."

"He said – you know what, Clint, you have Natasha's phone number, why don't you just call her. I'm done being the medium to your guys' domestic."

Clint just giggled and left the room.

"Oh no," said Natasha suddenly.

"What?" asked Steve.

"They're out of vanilla ice cream here!"

"Oh, that's okay," said Steve. "I know a place that sells great ice cream."

"Where?"

Steve gave her the directions to an ice cream shop not far from where she was.

"Okay, thanks, Steve," said Natasha. "Better get started on those cakes now. Remember, you're making three now, not one.

"Got it," said Steve. "See you, Nat."

"'Bye."

They hung up.

Steve made the adjustments to the cake batter that Natasha had suggested; and pretty soon, it looked perfect, aside from the fact that there was so much of it that it barely fit in the bowl. Steve found the cake pans and separated the batter into them. Then, he put them in the oven and set the timer.

A while later, Clint came into the kitchen with a strange look on his face. "Umm, Steve, do you know how long that's supposed to bake?"

"Yes," said Steve with certainty.

"Are you sure? It smells burnt."

"I'm sure," said Steve.

Clint looked doubtful, but at that moment, Tony entered the room. "I finished the – ugh, burnt cake!"

"It can't be burnt," Steve protested. "The timer hasn't gone off yet."

"Well, let's see," said Tony. He went to the stove and opened it. Black smoke came billowing out of it, directly into his face. Tony coughed and fanned the air. Then he peered into the oven.

"Is it burnt?" Steve asked in a small voice.

"Just a little," said Tony, snatching them out of the oven.

All three cakes were burnt completely black.

"How long were those in?" Clint asked.

"Um… well, the recipe said twenty minutes but I had three cakes in, so… twenty minutes per cake?"

"An hour?" Clint said in disbelief. "Those were in there for an hour?"

"I… guess so," said Steve.

Clint was silent for a moment. "I don't know much about baking, but I'd say an hour is a bit long."

"You think?" said Steve, surveying the burnt cakes ruefully.

"Well, looks like you're gonna have to start over, Cap. I gotta go now, I'm meeting Bruce at one," said Tony. He headed towards the door. "Good luck. Try not to burn down my tower."


	4. Chapter 4: Difficulties

Natasha's phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and looked at it. "Grandpa Frisbee" was calling. She lifted the phone to her ear.

"What happened to the cakes?"

"Well… they're burnt."

Natasha sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Okay. So I'll have to bring you another mix."

"I guess so," said Steve. "You get the ice cream yet?"

"Nope."

"Wow, what's the holdup? Did you find the place I told you about okay?"

"Well, that's debatable. Apparently this little joint of yours has been closed for about sixty years."

"Oh. Oops," said Steve.

"It's no problem," said Natasha. "I found another store, and here is the ice cream!" she said as she came upon it.

"Okay, great," said Steve. "So can you bring me a new cake mix now?"

"On it," said Natasha. She grabbed a gallon container of ice cream and headed towards the baking section. "That all?"

"Yeah, that about does it," said Steve.

"Okay. See you in twenty minutes."

"'Bye."

Natasha hung up her phone and stuck it back in her pocket. In the baking area, she grabbed two chocolate cake mixes, then headed to the front of the store to pay.

She dumped her stuff on the conveyer belt, then began searching through her purse for her credit card. Just as her hand closed over it, she heard a voice ask, "Are you the Black Widow?"

Natasha looked down and saw a girl of about ten years old staring up at her. "Um, yeah," Natasha said, flashing her a smile.

"Can I have your autograph?" the girl asked in a tone of worshipful adoration.

"Uh, sure," said Natasha. The girl held out a notepad and pen, and Natasha wrote _Black Widow_ on the page.

"Thank you!" said the girl. Then she ran back to where her mother was standing and said loudly, "I got the Black Widow's autograph!"

 _Please no,_ thought Natasha. She quickly swiped her card, in a hurry to be out of the store before a crowd gathered.

But she was too late. Already, several people were approaching her, asking for an autograph. Even though she was rushed, Natasha managed to remain courteous as she signed paper after paper, all the while hoping that the crowd would fizzle out. Instead, it grew larger.

At last, Natasha tore herself away to sign her name on the register screen. An error message popped up: SIGNATURE DOES NOT MATCH. Confused, Natasha looked at the signature. Then she saw the problem: she had signed her name as "Black Widow." Frustrated, Natasha wrote her signature correctly, grabbed her purchases, and rushed out of the store.

"Here's your cake mix, Steve," Natasha said, passing him both boxes. "Remember, _one box makes one cake._ I brought the extra for when you mess up the first one."

"Thanks for that vote of confidence," said Steve.

Natasha stuck the ice cream in the freezer. "Well, now that that's out of the way, there's just one more thing – Bruce's gifts. I still have no idea what he would like."

"Maybe instead of trying to think of something he would like, just get something that anyone would like," Steve suggested.

Natasha stared off into space. "You know, that's not a terrible idea," she said.

"High praise coming from you," Steve joked.

Natasha smiled and picked up her purse. "Well, I'll see what I can do," she said, starting towards the door. "Oh, and friendly piece of advice about the cake? Don't mess up."

"Thanks… I think," Steve said as she exited.

Around a quarter to three, Clint, who was busy setting up a balloon drop, received a text message from "rich boy" aka Tony:

Big guy incoming. 30 mins

Clint texted back:

hold him off?

The reply came quickly:

Already did as long as I could.

Clint sighed and went into the kitchen.

Steve was holding a mixing bowl over the sink, pouring cake batter down the drain.

"What happened to that one?" Clint asked.

Steve looked sorrowfully up at him. "I was just getting ready to pour it into the pan when I realized I only put one egg in instead of two."

"Oh, bummer," Clint said. A moment passed, and he frowned. "Wait… why didn't you just put another egg in it?"

Steve froze.

"Too late now," Clint observed. "You have another one, right?"

"Yeah," said Steve, setting the bowl on the counter.

"Anyway, I came in to tell you that Bruce is on his way. Tony just texted me," said Clint.

"Great, now what?" said Steve.

"Just hurry up on that cake. Try to have it done before he gets here."

"I'll try," said Steve.

As Bruce and Tony walked through the door, Bruce said, "I'm gonna get a glass of water."

"Um… yeah, I can get it for you," Tony said. He was pretty sure that Steve was still making the cake in the kitchen.

Bruce gave Tony a strange look. Tony never offered to do something that meant extra work for him unless it was a life-or-death situation.

"Uh, never mind, go ahead," Tony said quickly. He watched helplessly as Bruce entered the kitchen.

"Hey, Steve, what are you fixing?" Bruce asked as he came in. He spotted the cake mix box before Steve could whisk it out of sight. "A cake? Wow, I never knew you could cook."

"Me neither," Steve replied honestly. "But, hey, they say there's a first time for everything," he added with a nervous laugh.

"Yeah," Bruce agreed, getting a glass out of the cabinet. "So what's the occasion?"

"Um… birthday…" Steve said slowly.

Bruce grinned broadly. "Really? Whose?"

"Natasha's," Steve said off the top of his head.

Bruce's smile faded. He stared at Steve with a strange, almost suspicious expression.

At last he said, "I thought Natasha doesn't know her date of birth."

 _I knew that! How could I forget?_ Steve inwardly kicked himself.

"Whoops, did I say Natasha? I meant Tony, I… get those two mixed up a lot," Steve stammered.

Bruce continued to squint at him, looking unconvinced.

 _He knows,_ Steve thought. Suddenly a new idea came to him.

"Okay, I guess I might as well tell you, but it was supposed to be a secret. It is someone's birthday, but not Tony's or Natasha's."

Bruce looked relieved. "Whose, then?"

"Um, well, it's kind of a secret, so don't mention this to any of the others, but actually, because I don't know if it's serious or not, but, I mean I know it's serious, but I don't know how serious, because, well, you know, well there's this girl."

Bruce looked surprised. "A girl?"

"Yeah, a girl, and um, it's her birthday, so, I wanted to make her this cake and surprise her."

At last Bruce smiled. "Well, that's great, Steve. What's her name?"

"Sharon," Steve blurted out.

"Sharon? Oh, you mean Sharon Carter, that blond kid in Central Intelligence?"

"That's the one," Steve said in relief.

"Nice girl," said Bruce with a smile. "Well, good luck, Steve. Hope she likes it."

"Thanks," said Steve.

Bruce filled his cup with water and left the room.


	5. Chapter 5: Wrap-up

Tony watched as Bruce headed toward the room where Clint was decorating. The second Bruce walked in, the secret would be out. Frantically, Tony looked around for a means of distracting Bruce. Suddenly, he had an idea.

Bruce had put his hand on the doorknob when he heard a loud thump behind him, and a strained voice said his name. He turned and saw Tony in a heap on the floor, clutching at his chest.

"Tony!" Bruce ran to him and knelt beside him. "What's wrong?"

Tony was panting hard and his hands were shaking. He convulsed on the floor and gasped, "Arc… reactor…"

Bruce gasped. "Clint, Steve, come quick! It's Tony!"

Clint and Steve hurried into the room, looking concerned. As Bruce turned to speak to Clint, Tony took the opportunity to wink at Clint behind Bruce's back.

"He just collapsed like this all the sudden! He says it's his arc reactor," Bruce told Clint. Then he turned back to Tony again, and Clint made a signal to Steve.

"Okay, we've got to get him to the hospital," Steve said, catching on. He lifted Tony by the shoulders, and Bruce grabbed his legs. Clint ran ahead of them to open the door.

When they had transferred Tony to one of his cars, Steve quickly opened the driver's side door.

"Quick, Bruce, get in! You'll have to drive him to the hospital."

"Okay," Bruce agreed. He hopped into the driver's seat and drove off.

Clint and Steve sighed in relief. "Well, that buys us another hour or two," Clint remarked.

"So what's wrong with him?" Bruce asked nearly an hour later in the exam room.

The doctor's eyes flicked towards Tony. "Well, Dr. Banner, the relapse of Mr. Stark's reactor was apparently caused by… erm… indigestion."

"Heartburn," Tony said at the same time.

"Well, yes. He had indigestion, and then he had heartburn."

"It was probably something I ate at that rip-off Chinese place," Tony said.

"Is there something you can give him for that?" Bruce asked.

"What? Oh, erm, yes, actually, there is." The doctor opened a cabinet and pulled out a roll of tablets. "This should help settle your stomach, Mr. Stark." He held the medicine out towards Tony. Tony just looked at it.

"Here, I'll take that," Bruce said, stepping forward. "He doesn't like being handed things." He took the roll and stuck it in Tony's pocket. "Anything else?"

"No, you're free to go," the doctor said.

"Come on, Tony." Bruce heaved Tony to his feet. "Let's go home."

As they walked towards the car, Tony said, "You know, it's getting kinda late. I was thinking, why don't we just go ahead and go out for dinner?"

"Really? Your heart just malfunctioned because of food and now you're hungry again?"

"Yep. Do you like pizza?"

Bruce stared quizzically at Tony. "You're acting a little weird."

"Am I? Must be the indigestion," said Tony He got into the driver's seat and slammed the door.

Clint walked into the kitchen. "I finished the decorating!"

"And I finished the cake," Steve responded, pulling it out of the oven.

Clint blinked. "Wow, Steve, that looks great."

"Thanks. I can't wait to show Nat. She didn't think I could do it."

Just then, Clint's text message alert went off. He looked at his phone. "Hey, good news. Bruce says Tony's fine, he just had indigestion, and the two of them are eating out again," he said.

"Great, that gives us time to wrap the gifts," said Steve. "Natasha should be getting here with them soon."

"Yeah, right around now," Natasha said, walking into the kitchen. She had multiple shopping bags looped over her arms and carried two boxes of pizza. "Who ordered pizza? I met the delivery guy coming in."

"That was me," Clint said, taking the pizza boxes from her. "How on earth did you get the door open?"

"Talent," Natasha replied, smirking. "Are Bruce and Tony not back yet?"

"They're eating dinner out," said Clint. "And the pizza delivery guy opened the door for you."

She raised her eyebrows. "That's your theory, is it?"

"Natasha, look at my cake," Steve said. Natasha set her grocery bags on the table and went to look at it.

"Wow, that looks perfect. If you want it to stay perfect, you should let me ice it."

"Be my guest," said Steve.

"Don't be so sure, Nat. Ice is Steve's area of expertise," Clint joked. He was poking at the grocery bags on the table. "What'd you get Bruce?"

"Take a look," said Natasha.

Steve joined Clint by the bags.

Clint peered into one of them. "Twinkies," he said, "and a new wristwatch."

Steve pulled a small stack of books out of another bag. "Sherlock Holmes. He's going to like these. You did good, Nat."

"Hang on, there's something else…" Clint pulled a package of party hats out of the bag. "Party hats! Nat, you're the greatest!"

She raised an eyebrow. "For your information, the only reason I bought those was because there was a sale."

"Sure, sure," Clint mumbled dismissively as he examined the package.

Steve said, "They'll still be here later, Clint. We have pizza to eat!"

"Oh, right." Clint set down the party hats. Then, they all sat down at the table and dug in.

"Wow, I can tell you guys put a lot of work into this," Maria Hill said to Steve as she entered the main room.

"Clint actually did the decorating," Steve told her. "I made the cake, though."

"Where is it?" asked Maria.

"Right here." Natasha entered the room carrying the cake. "I just finished frosting it. Steve, make room for it on the table, will you?"

Steve moved to the table and began rearranging the pile of presents.

Clint appeared beside Natasha and popped a party hat on her head.

"Clint, take it off," she said, shaking her head to dislodge it.

"Careful, you might drop the cake," Clint told her gleefully.

"Steve!" Natasha said in exasperation.

"What?" Steve turned around. He grinned when he saw Natasha. "You know, that's kind of a good look for you, Romanoff."

Natasha glared at him, but she did not remove the hat after she set the cake down.

Thor came up to Steve, wearing three party hats. "Where are Stark and Banner?" he asked.

"Should be here soon," Steve told him.

Just then, Clint said, "Shh! Someone's coming!"

Instantly, everyone in the room grew silent. Sure enough, there came the sound of the door opening and closing; and then they heard Bruce say, "It sure is quiet. Where is everyone?"

"Let's check in here," came Tony's voice.

A moment later, the door opened and Bruce stepped in.

Just as planned, everyone shouted, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRUCE!" Then Clint tugged at a string near the light switch, and balloons rained down. Everyone cheered.

"We wanted to surprise you for your birthday," Clint said, pulling Bruce forward.

"I made the cake," Steve put in.

"And we have ice cream," Natasha added.

Bruce looked around at the smiling faces of all his friends, and a grin spread slowly across his face. "Wow, thank you so much! You did surprise me! And I really appreciate the work you guys put into this, it means a lot." Then he paused. "There's just one little problem – today's not my birthday."

There was a stunned silence. Then, slowly, Steve, Tony, and Natasha all turned to look at Clint.

He flushed. "Hey, uh, guys. I just now remembered Bruce's birthday actually is on Friday."

No one else spoke for a moment. Then, Fury snickered and everyone burst out laughing.

"If I could make a suggestion," Tony said, talking over them. "How about if we go ahead and celebrate Bruce's birthday today?"

The others agreed.

Shortly afterward, Natasha began to cut the cake while Pepper served the ice cream. Tony started playing his music, and there was a general air of hilarity as they began to celebrate the non-birthday.

"So, let me guess. You and Sharon are actually not getting serious," Bruce said to Steve as they got in line for dessert.

"Yeah, I didn't make her a cake," Steve laughed. Bruce noticed that he avoided the original question.

"Where's Tony? I want to congratulate him on his indigestion performance; he had me fooled," said Bruce. He got his dessert and headed off in search of Tony.

As Natasha put a slice of cake on Clint's plate, she said, "I feel like not giving you any of this after what I went through today thanks to you."

"Well, you've got to admit it's a great party," Clint said. "And we wouldn't be celebrating right now if I hadn't got mixed up."

"You sound like you're expecting me to thank you," said Natasha.

"You're welcome," Clint said, grinning. He looked out onto the floor, where Steve and Maria were dancing to Tony's music. "Be ready to dance with me when I finish this cake, Natasha," Clint said as he began to walk away.

"I'm not dancing tonight," Natasha called after him.

"Yes you are," Clint said over his shoulder.

After that night, the Avengers made it a tradition to celebrate Bruce's birthday two days early. He didn't mind; in fact, he liked it that way. However, they couldn't make it a surprise party anymore because when Tony started complaining about indigestion, Bruce always knew something was up.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Be sure to review and tell me if you liked the story! :)**


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